The Top 5 Sales Horror Stories of 2003!
By Dan Seidman, Founder, SalesAutopsy.comPERFECT PITCH
Jill's Presentation is Music, Except to Her Prospect's Ears
As a rookie I once was so terrified of a prospect yelling at me, I passed out from sheer fear and intimidation. One moment I'm cowering, next the lights go out. But that was nothing compared to my first days in selling for Xerox.
The big copier company has always had the best sales training in their industry. I was excited to start my career with an organization that gave great support to its reps.
There was this one particular rule that my manager enforced: Nobody goes on a sales call alone until they have MEMORIZED their presentation, word for word.
I stayed up late at night and read my script over and over and over. During the day I would ride with experienced reps or my manager to experience the selling skills of Xerox pros.
I stood before my sales manager and practiced my pitch. I'd blow it and be told, "Keep working on it. See you later." One day I finally nailed it. My manager smiled and said, "Looks like you're ready to solo!"
I was as nervous today as if on a blind date (which seems to be a perfect description of most first sales calls). Standing before a businessman I began to speak. The memorized script was perfectly inscribed on my brain.
So throughout my presentation I called him "Mr. Prospect."
I felt both humiliated and stupid when I realized what I'd done.
POSTMORTEM: Jill's blunder should help you think about how you look at, and treat, your prospects. Do you respect them as individuals? You show respect by working to discover their exact needs and to address those specific needs before switching on your autopilot pitch. By contrast, do prospects view you as an individual? How do you strive to be memorable, standing out from thousands of sales animals badgering buyers each day? You actions and attitude should be a beautiful reflection of the uniqueness of the looks and personalities on this planet.
NEW SALES MANAGER ENCOUNTERS OLD REP
Bill's meeting ends up nowhere, literally
I was a new sales manager for a major beer company and was making the rounds on the east coast to meet my reps.
Mike was my upstate New York rep and he was ancient. Everyone joked that he had sold the company's first produced bottle of beer in 1847. He'd actually been selling beer for 50 years and at 72 years old still acted like a kid in college.
Our corporate employee motto was "Drink what you can, sell the rest." And Mike was a company man.
I flew into town and was picked up by Mike in his old beater automobile. I stared in shock and amazement at the dash of his car. He had removed the round louvers from his heating/ air conditioning vents and fit a can of beer into each. This was why he'd never upgraded his car, the beer wouldn't fit into the dash of newer vehicles.
And it was winter. And the air conditioning was on - to keep his beer cold.
It's freezing cold outside and I'm riding with a professional alcoholic in a car with the air on. We begin driving out into the middle of nowhere New York to visit a client. My face is freezing and my blood is boiling so I finally confront my rep.
"Mike you've got to straighten yourself out. You can't keep living and selling like this. Everyone thinks you're nuts, including your customers. How can I help you out?"
He becomes quite angry and animated and tells me to mind my own business. He is selling loads of beer and doesn't need my help. In fact, he knows every single customer in upstate NY and the company needs him.
"C'mon Mike, your image is bad for the company."
He pulls the car to the side of the road and tells me that my image is bad for the company. I'm a butt-kissing, young punk who has no right to be a sales manager and a good butt-kicking would do me some good.
I stare at this 72 year old guy who is wanting to fight me.
"Get out of the car." He shouts. "Let's go!"
I'm thinking he really wants to fight and I open the door, getting a blast of air almost as "warm" as the space I was leaving.
Mike didn't get out to fight. He just flung my briefcase out the window, it opened like a bird in flight, papers flying. Then he hit the gas and disappeared down the highway. My last image of Mike was an arm reaching to pluck a can out of the dashboard and a gravelly voice screaming, "I quit!"
I was 30 miles from the nearest town or gas station. Cell phones weren't yet in use, so I began to walk.
POSTMORTEM: Remember the old negotiating adage that your position of strength is reinforced when you're in your office, on your own grounds, with the home court advantage? It's the same issue when you have to coach another person. If you need to criticize, play at home. If you want to praise, do it anywhere and often. And dress in layers.
EXCAVATING CLIENTS
Mark attempts to construct a big sale
First thing in the morning and we had a last minute pitch to make. The President of our Chicago agency heard that a Milwaukee-based crane association was reviewing their programs and he told me to call and ask for an appointment today - before they finalized any decisions. I called and practically begged for the meeting. I drove the two hours up I-94 completely confident that we still had a great shot at landing the business.
We'd handled loads of construction companies. I brought custom flyers and tons of testimonials with impressive pictures of earth-moving equipment. Cruise control set at 70, I smiled as I passed from Illinois into Wisconsin. There must have been six or eight crane rental companies along the highway. If you believed in omens, you'd feel pretty good about this sales call.
I pulled up to the front door to discover the association logo was a crane, the bird with the long neck. Cool idea. Some non-profit organizations really market themselves well.
The reception area was quiet and beautifully decorated. The walls were covered with cranes, hundreds and hundreds of them, that is, the birds! This association was for the preservation of, well, the other cranes.
I met the decision-maker and presented our company's offerings, but I was really rattled by our mistake. Most of my mental attention was just anger at my President. The executive director sat through the most uninspired sales conversation she'd ever encountered. I just felt stupid being there.
I left the association empty-handed with my tail feathers between my legs. I had the special pleasure of being the butt of office jokes for several months. Now, even if I'm in a hurry, I do some homework on all my prospects.
POSTMORTEM: Mark's mistake is pretty funny. But there is an outstanding lesson in his situation. He was well-niched in the construction business. Great marketers find a niche and saturate it. Their name becomes the brand of that mini-marketplace. And therein do they own the mindshare of clients and potential clients. Where are your best customers entrenched? Build on existing successes and you'll spend less time and money marketing to an audience that is too broad.
NO PETS ALLOWED
David's animal sacrifice almost costs him the sale
As we waited in the cool morning air, the owner's pit-bull dog walked up to us and, from his bloody jowls, dropped a half-dead chicken he had stolen from his owner's coop. He'd obviously been chewing it for some time. Well, the chicken was mortally wounded, and was making a horrific groaning noise.
What were we waiting for? I had just made a significant sale to install a heating and air conditioning system for an upscale home that sat nicely on several acres of farmland just outside the city limits.
On the day our work was to begin I was to meet the homeowner at the job site - along with my installation crew. We were to go over the proposed plans and get the contracts signed. My crew and I arrived at the house that morning a little early, and the man of the house (a very, very large man I might add) had not yet arrived at the home from his place of business a few minutes away.
So this chicken is gurgling away and it's become very apparent that I had to put this poor creature out of its misery--and quickly! Grabbing a 2x4 wooden board from our work truck, I took the chicken and began ramming his head into the ground with the board as hard as I could. I don't know if the ground was too soft or that chickens are incredibly resilient, but this chicken would not die!
The harder I hit it with the board, the louder the chicken groaned. This went on for some time and was quite amusing to my crew who was laughing as I pounded the bird into the ground again and again. In all the commotion what we did not notice was the homeowner pull up behind us in his truck. There we were, in his driveway, laughing and carrying-on, and beating one of his chickens to death with a 2x4!
After the guy's initial shock and my heartfelt explanation of the unfortunate circumstances, the homeowner eventually let us begin the job. Looking back, I'm not sure I would have done things any differently. The only lessons learned that day were 1) Don't kill another man's chicken and 2) Don't try and kill another man's chicken with a 2x4--it doesn't work!
POSTMORTEM: This is too funny! David's story paints a vivid picture and points out something we do too often to undermine our selling efforts. We usually talk too much when we sell and in the same way we can act too much as well. David didn't have to do anything with the chicken and he would have been fine. But I'll bet he wouldn't have missed making that memory for anything. Also, we don't endorse animal sacrifice to appease the sales gods.
BAAAD LUCK AT THE FARM
John will be counting sheep, instead of money, in his sleep tonight
It suddenly didn't even matter that I had to spend another $5 to wash my dust-covered car after leaving this prospect's property.
My partner and I had finished a tough series of sales calls on a large corporate farm. The owner was taking on a complete insurance package - we were covering everything. I was looking at almost $50,000 staring me in the, well - the bank account.
It didn't even matter that I had to thoroughly scrape the bottom of my shoes before soiling the carpet of my car again. A Chicago city boy like me could make good money in the country - even with minimal selling skills.
So there sat four of us; the owner with hands folded on his desk and his accountant with hands folded atop a large leather book - the company check book. My partner and I beamed at each other and pulled out one last form.
"In order for us to see that you're completely covered, we need your livestock totals." I began to call out the animal names and receive the numbers of each herd, with babies listed separately - Beef cattle, milk cows, horses and pigs, then...
"Sheep?" 120 was the reply
"E-wees?"
"Huh?" grunted the owner.
"E-wees." I said, clearly mispronouncing the word again. "How many e-wees you got?"
"Let me see that form." The farmer said.
I pointed and he yelled. "That's ewes, you idiot! Have you ever been on a farm? How are you supposed to help me with my business if you know nothing about farming? You know what? Don't even answer that, just get out, get out of my office!"
We walked quickly to my car, not even stopping to clean our shoes, hopped in and drove away, $50,000 poorer.
POSTMORTEM: Okay, so John was a bit short in his product knowledge training, but let's focus on something else. What to do you do when you blow it on a call? Here's what I suggest at all the speaking and training programs I do: Be very, very remorseful. Say something like this, "Oh Lord. You must think I'm my company's village idiot. I'm so sorry. If you don't want to do business with me, I completely understand." Don't be surprised if the prospect says "Hey, that's okay. I've done some dumb things, too. Let's keep going." If you feel bad, you'll make most people want to help you to not be so hard on yourself - and you could save a sale.
Dan Seidman speaks to national sales organization on the lessons learned from his book, The Death of 20th Century Selling: 50 Hilarious Sales Blunders and How You can Profit from Them. His website www.SalesAutopsy.com has been called a “cult hit among salesfolks” by Sales & Marketing Management Magazine. He has been involved in high-impact sales and marketing for privately run companies since 1980. Dan can be reached for article feedback at 847-359-7860 or dan@salesautopsy.com.
